Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Pappa wants mamma naked
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
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