We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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