No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
