I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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