Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
