Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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