I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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