I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
