Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize