Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize