i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
