after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
