I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
