last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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