I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
