Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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