Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
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