i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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