are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
