My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
