God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
