I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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