I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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