And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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