we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
