will power is for people who don't want to get laid
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
