____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
