Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize