My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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