I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
