Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
