I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I checked into jail on foursquare
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
