it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
