I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize