he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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