Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
