wake up i wanna do it froggy style
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
