I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
