You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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