oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize