Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
