Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
