Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
