Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize