big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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