Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
