I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
