So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
