Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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