I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize