I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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