i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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