Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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