The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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