Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
