his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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