Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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