it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
