There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
