Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize