Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
