I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
